Ah…saturday…the busiest day in a week in my life for the last 4 months. Say whatever you like, but it’s true.
It’s time for me to contemplate, to cleanse my mind, to resurrect myself from the ashes that I turn into the rest of the week, to face the personal demon child that resides within and whines all the time, begging to be indulged. For 6 months, I let the demon child loose on the surface, letting him try things here and there, pushing me over the edge again and again, leading my life into a chaotic pattern, one which in the end I have to shut off before it becomes too entropic.
The demon child have been fighting hard, even as I write this.
Results of all chained emotions that I have been containing for the last 9 years, the demon child finally took form, separate from what I am, become my partner when I’m alone. All of his sickness, all of his craziness, all of his dark intents, all of what he is, have been trying to take control of what I am. Able to keep him at bay for long, I let him took control of me the day I walked into my cubicle as an engineer, behind my PC, in front of the Microsoft Outlook, eager to try his potency, eager to wreak havoc, eager to proof that he has a romantic charm.
Romanticism he has, but his lack of experiences and wilderness of his instinct keep everything from taking a proper shape. He wreaks havoc.
Two weeks in the field, he has little time to be free, cause I have to face a lot of people all the time. He shrinks everytime the number of people increases.
Two weeks in the field, and I have regained control of what I am. I have decided to some of his qualities to replace what is lesser in me.
He has been demanding a full control of them, I have been kicking him back each time.
The demon child is back into his cage, deep within myself. I won’t let him go out once more. I’ll strip him of his weapons and make them mine, but I won’t let him loose again.
People in my office have never seen the real, undisturbed me.